The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
