Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
