i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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