at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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