I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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