Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
