There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Boobs are out for the taking
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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