I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
