i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
