I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
