is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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