He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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