We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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