Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
