Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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