he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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