I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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