I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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