she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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