So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
