I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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