Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
