took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
