y did u give ur computer a hand job?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
