How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
