I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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