OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
