you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
