I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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