I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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