Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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