I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
