only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
