i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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