Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
