Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
