I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
