Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
