Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
