You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
