You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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