I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
