hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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