There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
