dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
