Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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