We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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