Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
