Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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