You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
