the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
