My brain says no but my pants say off.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
How's work?
Spinning.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
