is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
